where am i supposed to post this..inute.?
I think I'm supposed to be hacking you, but I'm not a real pro so WHO KNOWS.
Stirling. Stop being silly, we're still friends of course. best friends. I don't think it's possible not to be.
That was a very very sweet note I recieved and I much enjoyed it. (:
ThankYOU Stirling for helping me become the person I am today. You know I'd be so different without you. I'd be..like that kid that crawls the hallways, crumbs falling out of their mouths.
I am not uber confident all of a sudden. I am not some loud diva either. I'm just a little less paranoid of the bad things people will think of me. A little. Now I sorta focus on the people who like me for me and share myselfs to them and the people around them. If that makes sense? I dunnnooo, whatterbkewrfhkrjglr. <--that was supposed to say "whatever".
So I say next weekend we go for icecream somewhere, and do something completely ridiculous. And i want you to know that the thought of doing that scaaarress me. I'm not suddenly invincible. I'm actually quite fragile.
Remember when I'd overthink little things people would say to me? I'd twist words and somehow make it an insult? I still get hurt like that. I still need you to remind me that I'm overreacting and that I needa take a chill pill.
DID I TELL YOU I LEARNED HOW TO SWALLOW PILLS??!!!???!! Dude, i'm stoked.
I swallower TWO the other day.
Anyway, off the topic of pills, you are my best friend and i still need you. I am definitely not better off without you. I think I might melt if I don't have you in my life.
And you know what's best about you? Your creativity. If I didn't have you, I'd probably be very cookie-cutter because I'd forget what it's like to be different and crazy. Whithout you, I wouldn't have a sane box and I wouldn't have a place to let it all out so all of me..all of me would just fade.
I don't want to fade and I don't ever want to lose you. So yes, let's remain amigas.
You should come over soon. like reeaal soon. how soon is that?
Friday, November 26, 2010
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Helen
Helen, I feel sooo bad
For talking about things i don't understand
I wish i could turn back time and undoe
any pain i may have caused you
You probobly hate me
and that makes sense (unlike this next line)
But please forgive me and we...can...climb a fence?
I have no excuse for being soooo mean
And i have no right to intervene
I wrote you this song to apologise
I really am trying to be nice :D
I know this song sounds like a load of crap
And i'm trying not to sound like a fag (too late)
I'm running out of things to rhyme
So I'll dissapear
Before I end up sounding even MORE queer
I am reeeeeaaaally sorry! i fell terrible my love. It's even worse because i don't know you. so much for first impressions *sigh* I blame Karma. I called my little sister a retard today D: well, I hope this song shows you how deeply sorry i am. I'm sorry to you too Andrea. I got you in quite the fix there. I've been watching too much Harry Potter; I'm writing this in a brittish accent. I know that makes no sense... I need to sleep... I'M SOOOO SOOOORRRYY!!!!!!!
For talking about things i don't understand
I wish i could turn back time and undoe
any pain i may have caused you
You probobly hate me
and that makes sense (unlike this next line)
But please forgive me and we...can...climb a fence?
I have no excuse for being soooo mean
And i have no right to intervene
I wrote you this song to apologise
I really am trying to be nice :D
I know this song sounds like a load of crap
And i'm trying not to sound like a fag (too late)
I'm running out of things to rhyme
So I'll dissapear
Before I end up sounding even MORE queer
I am reeeeeaaaally sorry! i fell terrible my love. It's even worse because i don't know you. so much for first impressions *sigh* I blame Karma. I called my little sister a retard today D: well, I hope this song shows you how deeply sorry i am. I'm sorry to you too Andrea. I got you in quite the fix there. I've been watching too much Harry Potter; I'm writing this in a brittish accent. I know that makes no sense... I need to sleep... I'M SOOOO SOOOORRRYY!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
just for you Andrea!
It's harder for a girl when she whispers your name
when you walk right past her out into the rain
but it's stormin outside and the rain wont fall
cus the tears are almost glad under it all
well it may sound sound crazy cause i miss you so
but I'm almost glad to see you go
though i may seem oh so sad, well it makes me almost glad
to see your back turn, walk out my door,
hear your footsteps crossin the floor.
Well I'm tryin not to say this but it makes me laugh
when i see you with your friends and they're havin a blast
and the rain that wouldn't fall is stormin in your eyes,
you see me laughin here, you look so surprised, I'm singing,
La la la, la la la la laa,
La la la, la la la la laa,
la la la, la la la la laa,
la la la, la la laa
But if I can still laugh with the sun in my hair
while I watch you stand there with a confused stare
then maybe i'm not just almost glad...maybe i'm just plain old glad
I'm singin La La's, repeated twice
Love yaaa! Enjoi buddy!!!
when you walk right past her out into the rain
but it's stormin outside and the rain wont fall
cus the tears are almost glad under it all
well it may sound sound crazy cause i miss you so
but I'm almost glad to see you go
though i may seem oh so sad, well it makes me almost glad
to see your back turn, walk out my door,
hear your footsteps crossin the floor.
Well I'm tryin not to say this but it makes me laugh
when i see you with your friends and they're havin a blast
and the rain that wouldn't fall is stormin in your eyes,
you see me laughin here, you look so surprised, I'm singing,
La la la, la la la la laa,
La la la, la la la la laa,
la la la, la la la la laa,
la la la, la la laa
But if I can still laugh with the sun in my hair
while I watch you stand there with a confused stare
then maybe i'm not just almost glad...maybe i'm just plain old glad
I'm singin La La's, repeated twice
Love yaaa! Enjoi buddy!!!
Chapter 1 of Renity Alavasta
1. Epiphany
Renity sighed deeply as she sank into the shadows, deep under the protection of the massive willow tree. The ground was soft with fallen leaves, the air warm and breezy. She could almost taste the honeysuckle vine that crawled up and around the remains of the stone wall beside her.
The wall was there to keep the deer out of the garden Renity had planted with her father, Markus. By now however, the garden was so overflowed with delicate flowers and huge, blossoming trees that the attempt was pointless; the trees had long ago crushed the wall to ruins.
Renity sat there for a while, listening to the wispy music the wind made as it danced through the trees.
After a moment, Renity pulled out a book from her bookbag; a paperback copy of, “A Wrinkle in Time”.
As she opened it, the wind rustled the printed pages. The smell of ink on paper wafted towards her, bringing back old memories.
Her father always said that books preserved memories between their pages just as they might a pressed flower, and that when you opened one for the first time in a while, it was as if you had stepped back into the time and place in which you last read them. You could remember everything you saw, felt, heard, tasted, and smelled. “Books are the closest thing we have to a time machine” Renity always heard her father say, eyes closed, book in hand, remembering something special even as he spoke.
Renity placed her fingers on the book, so as to stop the wind from rustling its worn pages. The book had belonged to Markus when he was her age, and the pages had long since yellowed with age. The corners were neat and crisp, however, due to Markus’s strong dislike of dog-earing pages. “Dogs don’t read books,” he always told her, and she remembered giggling as their dog, Deogie, hopped onto his lap and stuck his nose into the book they were reading, as if to prove him wrong.
Renity was about to flip back to the front of the book to begin reading when she noticed a footnote scrawled onto the side of the page in red ink.
& The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose& It was written in beautiful slanted writing that looked familiar, but that Renity did not recognize. She smiled, realizing it must have been her father’s favorite saying at the time, before he swapped this elegant script for his more modern, hasty lettering.
Markus’s love for nature showed in everything he did. His poetry was strung up around the house, on kitchen cabinets, on mirrors, even inside the fridge. It was often written about nature, and this line sounded quite like something he would type up and then tack to the milk carton,
Closing the book, Renity rose from her hideaway grudgingly and picked up her book bag. Her breath sparkled like cobwebs in the chill autumn air, and the silence was soft and broken only by nature’s soothing songs.
Renity nearly collided with Liam as she turned a sharp corner in the maze-like bushes that lead to her back door. “
“Oh, Liam, hi!” she said, startled.
“You know, you really shouldn’t read while you walk. You might run into something,” Liam said with a smile, picking up the book she had dropped.
Renity sighed deeply as she sank into the shadows, deep under the protection of the massive willow tree. The ground was soft with fallen leaves, the air warm and breezy. She could almost taste the honeysuckle vine that crawled up and around the remains of the stone wall beside her.
The wall was there to keep the deer out of the garden Renity had planted with her father, Markus. By now however, the garden was so overflowed with delicate flowers and huge, blossoming trees that the attempt was pointless; the trees had long ago crushed the wall to ruins.
Renity sat there for a while, listening to the wispy music the wind made as it danced through the trees.
After a moment, Renity pulled out a book from her bookbag; a paperback copy of, “A Wrinkle in Time”.
As she opened it, the wind rustled the printed pages. The smell of ink on paper wafted towards her, bringing back old memories.
Her father always said that books preserved memories between their pages just as they might a pressed flower, and that when you opened one for the first time in a while, it was as if you had stepped back into the time and place in which you last read them. You could remember everything you saw, felt, heard, tasted, and smelled. “Books are the closest thing we have to a time machine” Renity always heard her father say, eyes closed, book in hand, remembering something special even as he spoke.
Renity placed her fingers on the book, so as to stop the wind from rustling its worn pages. The book had belonged to Markus when he was her age, and the pages had long since yellowed with age. The corners were neat and crisp, however, due to Markus’s strong dislike of dog-earing pages. “Dogs don’t read books,” he always told her, and she remembered giggling as their dog, Deogie, hopped onto his lap and stuck his nose into the book they were reading, as if to prove him wrong.
Renity was about to flip back to the front of the book to begin reading when she noticed a footnote scrawled onto the side of the page in red ink.
& The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose& It was written in beautiful slanted writing that looked familiar, but that Renity did not recognize. She smiled, realizing it must have been her father’s favorite saying at the time, before he swapped this elegant script for his more modern, hasty lettering.
Markus’s love for nature showed in everything he did. His poetry was strung up around the house, on kitchen cabinets, on mirrors, even inside the fridge. It was often written about nature, and this line sounded quite like something he would type up and then tack to the milk carton,
Closing the book, Renity rose from her hideaway grudgingly and picked up her book bag. Her breath sparkled like cobwebs in the chill autumn air, and the silence was soft and broken only by nature’s soothing songs.
Renity nearly collided with Liam as she turned a sharp corner in the maze-like bushes that lead to her back door. “
“Oh, Liam, hi!” she said, startled.
“You know, you really shouldn’t read while you walk. You might run into something,” Liam said with a smile, picking up the book she had dropped.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
BAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
andrea, hun, you'll never guess how many friggin songs ive written you. and i have a couple surprises for you. if you still love me. if not, well, then i still have a couple surprises for you, so you're gonna have to get over it for a while. Still lovin the hec out of you, but im runnin out of things to love. There's not much hec to be found in a hibernating butt.
:D see, you DO miss me!
:D see, you DO miss me!
honeybunns. Aaron tried to steel my word, but i showed him!!!
i realize i don't do enough for you. and it hurts me that i cant repay you for everything you've done for me. but things are changing now. you know that. Who knew becoming that beautiful butterfly would be soo friggin hard?
We wont ever drift unless you want us to. But even then, Im not sure im strong enough to let you go. Im too selfish. it makes me weak.
I love you soo friggin much, it causes me physical pain to be away from you for any amount of time. I get knots in my back, and its difficult to breath.
You know i do nothing but think about you, right? and when i didnt answer your calls or txts, it was because savannah stole my cell, and didnt tell me till just now. I thought you were mad at me. or you"d moved on. but you should know: I'll never move on.
you're like a friggin Conner Nightmare come to life, only 20 times prettier and more amazing. And i can write cheezy songs about you that would never actually sell, but make me cheer up a bit when im crying. yes, when im crying. i cry all the time now. its like this whole time, all the tears i would have cried were bottled up inside, and theyre just now finding their way out. except it comes out in random floods, melting my makeup and kicking my hormones into high gear. hormones suck balls man. man girl. girly man. uhh, girly guy-man-. guyman. whatever. Ima shut up now. i love the hec out of you.
We wont ever drift unless you want us to. But even then, Im not sure im strong enough to let you go. Im too selfish. it makes me weak.
I love you soo friggin much, it causes me physical pain to be away from you for any amount of time. I get knots in my back, and its difficult to breath.
You know i do nothing but think about you, right? and when i didnt answer your calls or txts, it was because savannah stole my cell, and didnt tell me till just now. I thought you were mad at me. or you"d moved on. but you should know: I'll never move on.
you're like a friggin Conner Nightmare come to life, only 20 times prettier and more amazing. And i can write cheezy songs about you that would never actually sell, but make me cheer up a bit when im crying. yes, when im crying. i cry all the time now. its like this whole time, all the tears i would have cried were bottled up inside, and theyre just now finding their way out. except it comes out in random floods, melting my makeup and kicking my hormones into high gear. hormones suck balls man. man girl. girly man. uhh, girly guy-man-. guyman. whatever. Ima shut up now. i love the hec out of you.
Andrea, my love
wow. I cant describe the pain inside. wow. is that really all i have to say for myself? wow? I think of you every waking moment, cant ever get you off my mind. I cry for you, though i dont cry. I pray for you, though God fades from my heart. I bleed for you, in both senses, and you think i dont care. you think i dont miss you when youre not there. Hell, i miss you when you are there! I cant get enough of you, i cant miss enough of you, i cant cry enough for you, i cant pray enough for you, i cant bleed enough for you. I cant even sing enough for you. Yes, sing. its what i do when my heart is crying out too loud to be concealed in my aching chest. And i want you to know, that when i get up in front of all those people and and pour my screaming heart out for of of them to see, that im doing it for you. all for you. because that's all i can do.
Im so deeply sorry that its not enough.
Im so deeply sorry that its not enough.
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